Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize