Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
