Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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