I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
