just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
