Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
