Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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