At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
