Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
