I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
