we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
