Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
