I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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