just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
smell my finger.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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