He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
