I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She announced her abortion via fbk
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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