Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
