And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
