Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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