getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
