I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
