Christians are straight up FREAKS
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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