Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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