thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
