Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just invented taco cereal.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This is classic penis vs brain.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
