people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
