theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
