I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
