So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
