How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize