fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
