If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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