if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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