I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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