I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
