Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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