feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
