So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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