OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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