I want to make a zoo with you.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
