Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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