I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
there is glitter all over my balls
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize