I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
