ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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