Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
