I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My feet surprised me
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
