Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize