Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
