3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
