Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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