He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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