I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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