oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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