Four minutes until I can fart!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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