I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
