Christians are straight up FREAKS
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
