She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
