So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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