is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
