We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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