Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
