from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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