yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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