Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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