and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
