i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
