never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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