I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
