my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My pussy is not your playground.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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