I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
